i slept with someone in fall out boy, and all i got was this negative aids test.

how am i supposed to feel when i login.
not sad,

nor happy.

just in the mood to write.

"you cant possibly write about love all the time"

sure i can.

if its on my mind.

i cant stick to pen and paper.

this is 2007.

this is the year where i learned about

part of who i am.

a myspace whore

a bad best friend

a bad speller

a bad secret keeper

a bad helper

a bad child

a bad reader

a fuck up.



this is the only place i can let everything out.

if you read this then its a fair game.



i cant stop thinking about thinking about "it"

'tis the season to be honest.

i predict in 2008

i will be even more of a fuck up then i am

and i'll be more of a sarcastic ass hole then i am today.



ugh,

tbh,

all i want to say is,

i love









him.

alot.



<3>

right when we get to the good part of the story.

its hard to think about what we couldve been everytime i see your faceeee. i always think

"this must be a sin", baby i love you.

we havent even..

cant speak.

many people disapprove of this wrongdoing.

i cant continue,

halfway through this thought,







everything came crashing.

why must these thoughts run through my mind day my day?

dkasfh;djh



to say the sky is beautiful does notdescribe its many

shadings.

to say the grass is gren does not describe its brilliant color to find words that wull encompass my hearts longing lies beyond the scope of my well worn heart. i just want to be next to you. i need to be surrounded by millions of words

that would help me explain how much

i love









you.

i tried to be different for the last time.

hugs are not enough.

especially the ones laced with my bitterness.

even if my love were purely golden

it could not fill the abyss of your pain nor mine.

it is then that i realize

the hugs [especially the half hearted ones]

are not enough to make either

you or me safe.

i cant sit here and watch you sail the technicolor seas

of oblivion, someday soon a mutiny will break out and all hands will be lost.